FILLED WITH MERCY & FULL OF CHARITY
Golda’s Farewell Talk, June 27th 2016
The decision to serve a mission was a process that began as a six year old in Primary. We sang the song “I Hope They Call Me on a Mission” and I thought about all the young men and women in the ward who were leaving on missions. They seemed so old and tall and mature. I daydreamed about how I would look when I was their age, when I had “grown a foot or two” like it says in the song. As I grew up and pictured my future, I made many, many lists of goals and life plans. I’m sure all my friends, especially my mom, can confirm my slightly obsessive tendency to plan my future down to the detail. As in naming my future children detail. Don’t worry I’ve mellowed out. My life plans shifted slightly as I developed passions for different things. Dance became a big part of my life, and the visions of tutus and sugarplums became concrete aspirations for a professional ballet career. As I thought about the prospect of serving a mission, it seemed impossible to be able to give up 18 months of dancing when my career would already be so short. But as I attended church every Sunday and partook of the Sacrament and listened to lessons, I gained much needed perspective and inspiration. I gained a deeper understanding of who I was, and who God was. I learned about my savior Jesus Christ and how he could be a stronger presence in my life. I tried to center my life on Christ, not pointe shoes, pirouettes, perfecting flute scales, or studying chemistry. Although granted it was quite easy for me to not focus on studying chemistry. The more I focused on being a disciple of Christ, the more I realized that these other things could still be a big part of my life, and that Christ would help me accomplish and develop these talents and goals. Before every audition, I would read a favorite scripture and ask Heavenly Father for help to do my best. Before every ballet performance my friends and I would stand in a circle and offer a prayer together. The Young Women program; Personal Progress, allowed me to think about the gospel during more secular events like Utah Youth Symphony rehearsals or as I wandered museums.
When I went to college, my perspective broadened and I began to think of the gospel as a woven tapestry. Every gospel doctrine is unique, but together they form a beautiful picture. Vibrant, beautiful, and complete. Sometimes I could only see a section of the tapestry, but I knew that they all connected to one common thread: Christ. If I ever had a question or doubt or weakness, I would think about Christ and how everything relates back to him. Hebrews 10:32 explains this better than I ever could... 32 But call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions;
Skipping to verse 34 it reads,
34 For ye had compassion of me in my bonds, and took joyfully the spoiling of your goods, knowing in yourselves that ye have in heaven a better and an enduring substance.
35 Cast not away therefore your confidence.
I found that as I held onto things that I already knew, I could strengthen my testimony of things that were just a belief. Beliefs that are of substance and that last. In Alma 32: 27 it says “But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.” Heavenly Father doesn’t expect us to take the teachings of this church blindly, he wants us to experiment upon His words, and exercise faith. Yet all he asks is a desire to know the truth, a “desire to believe.” That simple truth saw me through countless confusing, and discouraging times. Times when I needed to rebuild parts of my testimony, and strengthen my resolve to follow Christ. It helped me to keep going, even though I’m weak.
This past year in college, I prayed a lot (and confided in my trustworthy roommate Emmy) about whether to serve a mission. A mission made it to the final version of my life plan list after the missionary age changed to 19, instead of 21. But I was actually fearful that the answer would be no. As I prayed, I felt like ultimately the decision was up to me. So I decided to go ahead with my desire and told Heavenly Father to stop me if it was the wrong decision. So then I was nervous that I would either die or get married-the only two things that could stop me from serving.
After I made the decision to dedicate 18 months of my life to sharing the gospel, there were many distractions and other opportunities. It was easy to second-guess myself or wonder if the sacrifice was too great, but I had to remember verse 35 of Hebrews 10, to “cast not away therefore your confidence.” I knew that going on a mission was the right choice, and I had to have faith in the peaceful revelation I had received earlier.
Thankfully, Heavenly Father sent many tender mercies to help me remember that.
A few days after sending in my papers, I was walking home from class to my apartment. It was around the time my call would be being assigned. I was about to push the button to walk across the street, when I had a very strong, significant feeling of peace come over me. The scripture “Be still and know that I am God” which is in Psalms 46:10 as well as D & C 101:16, came to mind. There is no way of knowing, and it doesn’t really matter, but I sense that that thought came right as my call was being assigned. There are 418 missions I could have been called to, and I knew that I would be assigned to the one I would most grow in, and a place I could best serve the people. The Holy Ghost witnessed to me that Heavenly Father would see me through this experience, and that I didn’t need to be afraid.
Maybe this experience was a reassurance or foreshadowing of my call, because a few months earlier, in the Hawaiian Temple Visitors’ Center, we were looking at copies of The Book of Mormon in every language of the world. I noticed the copies that were in Japanese and Cantonese and told my mom, “I hope I don’t have to learn an Asian language.” Heavenly Father definitely has a sense of humor because I will be speaking Cantonese, a language with 9 tones and a totally foreign alphabet. But he also has mercy, and reminded me to simply trust in Him-to “Be still and know that I am God.”
In Doctrine and Covenants 121:45, which is the scripture I would like to focus on today, it gives the ways we can be confident in the presence of God. It reads,
Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.
When I read this verse, I began to start connecting it back to Christ, again picturing the woven tapestry. How did this verse testify of Jesus Christ? The overwhelming feeling I got from this verse was simply, charity-or the pure love of Christ.
The Atonement of Jesus Christ made possible a fulfillment of love. The Atonement wasn’t only about Christ’s physical agony, it was his willingness to suffer FOR us, and his humility to do the will of the Father. The Atonement was a specific instance, but it made possible an eternity of change, forgiveness, and love. Similarly, when we are baptized, it is not the end of our journey, but rather the beginning of our discipleship. Christ’s sacrifice did not mark the end of his presence in our lives, but the realization of his constant and perfectly understanding presence.
Because of the Atonement, we can feel that same love toward others. Even though we will never experience another person’s sorrow, pain, and temptations as Jesus did, we can learn to love them even AS he did. We are commanded to “be full of charity towards all men” and because Christ has allowed us to progress and follow him, we can share in his charity and “be filled with mercy.”
If there is a fullness of charity, there is not room for anything else. We will be outwardly and inwardly devoted to our Savior. Christ has “graven us upon the palms of his hands” as it says in 1 Nephi 21:16. I have not felt those nail prints in his hands, but I know that he is my Savior because of my inner convictions. We can all acquire the countenance of Christ, a noticeable outward characteristic of goodness and light, but it comes from a “broken heart and a contrite spirit”, or in other words, an inner change.
Desiring to have the light of Christ in our lives is a constant effort and leads to unceasing faith. As the line in D & C 121:45 reads: “let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly”, I have learned that as we cultivate other Christ-like qualities, virtue will be the culmination that will help us follow Christ-even when nobody's watching.
Charity is necessary for developing Christ-like attributes. Charity will lead to following commandments. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, “the first great commandment of all eternity is to love God with all of our heart, might, mind, and strength—that’s the first great commandment. But the first great truth of all eternity is that God loves us with all of His heart, might, mind, and strength. That love is the foundation stone of eternity, and it should be the foundation stone of our daily life. Indeed it is only with that reassurance burning in our soul that we can have the confidence to keep trying to improve, keep seeking forgiveness for our sins, and keep extending that grace to our neighbor.” Something that I have seen and been constantly taught is the truth of 1 Corinthians 14:8: Charity never faileth. When worldly solutions and easy fixes fail, charity never will. The Lord has asked of us, “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” If everything He asks of us comes out of love, we know that the commandments are not a list of rules and restrictions or guilt-trips, but rather evidence of His omnipotent and eternal love for us.
Because we adopted my little sister Xanthe from China, I have thought about somehow meeting her biological family and talking to her parents. I imagine her father would ask me “Did you love my daughter? Did you serve her and treat her as your own sister? Did you love her?” I imagine that my Heavenly Father will ask the same thing of me when I get to heaven. “Did you love my children? Did you treat them as the brothers and sisters that they are? Did you love my children?”
I hope I will be able to tell Him yes. Yes I loved your children. I was filled with Thy mercy, and I am confident in Your presence. I belonged to the household of faith by choosing to experiment on and study your words. I belonged to the household of faith by attending the temple and being humble enough to be taught.
I have much to work on, and I’m thankful I have 18 months to focus on my confidence in these desires. I know that I am weak. I am not a scriptorian or a master at language learning, or near perfect in my relationships and life in general. But I know that Christ lives, and I have felt his and Heavenly Father’s love for me, and I know that that’s enough. Charity never faileth.
I wish I could close with my testimony in Cantonese, but I don’t know any Cantonese (yet) however I’ll probably be crying too much to be coherent anyway, so you can just imagine I’m speaking Chinese.
